who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
