This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
