I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
