mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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