bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
