She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
