just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
