Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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