I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
