five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
