I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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