): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
