sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
