Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
