I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
