i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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