How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
