Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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