my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
