omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
