Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
