i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
