Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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