Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The feeling are messing with the penis
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize