I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
