Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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