I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
