Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
