did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
