Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
