there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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