Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
