Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
