I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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