I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
