You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
They have beer where we have blood.
soo... how was my night?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
