U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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