i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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