he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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