just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
