I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
