dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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