Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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