I just pynch a tree in the face
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
