What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Even the bartender felt bad for me
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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