So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
