At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
My liver just had a heart attack.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
