I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize