It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
