I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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