WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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