she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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