sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
