Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
