May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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