i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Randomize
