I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
