If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
