I accidentally had phone sex last night
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
