You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
