did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I think your dad took our porno
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize