Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize