if i can run in heels then i can drive
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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