She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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