Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i came on her dog
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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