I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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