Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
