Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
