Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
