dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
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