My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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