I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Randomize