I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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