she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
