i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
